Sunday, June 27, 2010

Two Worlds

I use this blog as a way of displaying my art, but it also serves to give you some insight into the artist behind the images. In that vein, I offer this little essay about the transformation I have undergone in my life. Given time, I may turn it into a poem.
Two Worlds

Coyne 2010

In this life, I have lived in two different worlds.
I used to live in a jungle and life was a constant struggle to survive, ending in death and nothingness.
Now I live in a garden, a place of peace leading to rebirth and eventual unity with all that is.
My world was a place to be feared, endured, manipulated and dominated when I could.
My new world is one of harmony and cooperation in which I feel encouraged and supported.
My old universe was an accident tumbling toward entropy. It was threatening, confusing, and ultimately meaningless. My world was filled with despair, misery, suffering, senseless killing, and scary monsters in the dark.
Now this cosmos is evolving from a mighty intelligence to a coming home. My life has meaning and my days are filled with purpose and the energy to carry it out. Creation makes sense and inspires my awe and reverence. I am happy to be a part of this grand orchestration. I know why I am here and am grateful for God’s trust in me.
In my old world, I was a genetic misfit and thought the world would be better off without me. My genes were out to get me, and I expected to be dead by thirty. I came close to fulfilling that prophecy and was running scared to I knew not where.
Now, I live in a world full of grace in which miraculous is not only possible, but my God is eager to assist in healing if I will but do my part. I now live in a body fashioned according to a divine matrix which works beautifully as long as I work in harmony with cosmic law. I expect to live a full life and leave when I am ready.
I used to live in regret over the past and apprehension of the future. Work was hard, and life was fundamentally unfair. Peace was an illusion and contentment an empty word.
Now, work and service are a joy, and I take satisfaction in the little things of life. Everything is interesting, and I am fascinated by the whole play of life. I enjoy the ride and am not attached to the destination. I fully accept what existence has to offer and don’t waste time dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. Now is good enough for me, and I have a heightened awareness of each moment as it comes.
My needs are few, and I trust the universe to provide; so there is no need to grasp for more or cling to what I have.
Yes, there was pleasure, excitement, and moments to remember; but they were fleeting and my attempts to hold on to them were for not. Frustration, anxiety, and resentment followed me all of my days. I would have liked to lash out, but against whom or what I could never figure out. As far as I could see no one was in charge and everything was out of control. Who to blame?
Today, I am not attached to anything for there is no need. Health and peace of mind follow my opening to the light which pervades this creation. Growth and new realization are my constant companions and contentment is part of my new being.
Hunger and thirst of all kinds drove me on, but I had lost hope that it could turn out right. I dared not slow down for fear that my demons would catch up to me. Now, I slow down daily and listen to the stillness. I know myself and accept the totality of my being. I accept that I am just what I need to be.
Communion and atonement guide my every step and angels look over me. I have faith that all will be as it needs to be. This planet is a school to which we have all come to learn our necessary lessons. Too often, we learn in the school of hard knocks, but we are learning and progressing to inevitable graduation.
I used to think that life was beyond my control, but now I see the events which come to me as the result of choices I have made. Everything happens for a reason, and there is a guiding intelligence that knows my every need.
I used to think that I had to fight for everything that I got, but now I relax knowing that it is safe to be humble. I don’t need to control situations, for everything is unfolding for the greater good. I just need to get out of the way and allow the spirit to have its way.
I used to feel that life was a cruel joke; but now I realize that all is a state of mind, and we choose it minute to minute, day to day. I choose daily which world I live in, and know that the positive is but a thought away.
The struggle to make ends meet was often overwhelming, but I have learned to live simply and am content with what I have. There is no need to keep accumulating things, praise, or experiences. In this moment, all is sufficient; indeed, abundance of what is important is the rule.
I used to blame others starting with a nonexistent God, my parents, this unfair world and kept a long list of hurts and disappointments.
I no longer have to blame others, for I know that I have created my own reality; and I have everything I need for my awakening. I respect other people’s choices and allow them to take their own path because I am sure that we are all in this together and we are all headed to the same home. I am content to do my little part, confident that it is enough; and with the understanding that we never know where the ripples go.
I used to run from my dark side, but have come to a self acceptance that once seemed impossible. I see all as grist for the mill.
I used to take things personally and felt hurt and abused. I created drama and lived a chaotic existence. In contrast, I now try to keep to the impersonal approach and take no offense. Everything works to the ultimate good of all concerned. It may not all be to my liking, but I trust that a higher power knows more than I.
I used to resist life, and it became more difficult with time and age. Now, I try to go with the flow and find the burden lightening, with time. I would wake in dread of the new day and had to drag myself out of bed. Now, I great each day with enthusiasm and keep a cheerful attitude.
I would try to stand strong against the gale, but now I sway gently in the breeze. My life seemed to be one misstep and one dead end after another, but now I look back to see that even the mistakes lead me to this point in which my life opens to ever new possibilities. Through some mysterious process, so much has been brought together in unexpected ways. Life in my new world is an adventure.

1 comment:

Helen Stannard said...

Wow...Thanks for sharing. Gives one much to think about.